Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
