Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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