Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
