if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
