Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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