Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
