And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
