Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize