i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
