I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
