Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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