You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
