i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
