If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
