There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
