? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
