the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
