Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize