I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
