my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
