spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
