She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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