If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
