Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
