he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
