ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
