i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize