we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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