come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
