I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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