he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
