Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize