There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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