we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
