You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
