i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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