Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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