haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize