I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
