i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
