just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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