By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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