There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I will pee on everything he values.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
