I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
