Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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