I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize