Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
