did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
