her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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