that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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