we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
