I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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