His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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