how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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