in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
