I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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