I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
