my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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