The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
