If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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