Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
