i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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