Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
