I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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