Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
