Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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