White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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