I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
