u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
