yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
