my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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