Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
